Dear Mr. Time Warner,

        Despite providing me with excellent cable television, your internet service provided by Road Runner is sub par. Ever since school started, I can't seem to stay connected to the web for prolongs periods of time. As a result, I cannot check my e-mail account to see if Brad Pitt has replied to my 2038th e-mail asking him to break up with Jennifer Aniston (Hi, Brad. Call me!), I am unable to satisfy my obsessive desire to check other people's Xangas and Blogs, and most importantly, I get kicked off of AOL Instant Messanger repeatedly, most of the time when I am in the middle of an engaging conversation with strangers in sex chat rooms. Do you have any idea how much I loathe being kicked off of the wonderful technology of Instant Messaging? Do you have any idea how much it pains me to look at my computer in the morning only to discover the usual instant messages I receive are replaced by a hideous error window that says tauntingly, "You are attempting to sign on again too soon. Please try again later." You have inconvienced me, greatly, Mr. Warner sir. I highly advise your stupid cartoon bird to fix this problem immediately before I flip my shit and personally go over there and cut off your face.

                                       Love always,
                                             Tammy