My gay boyfriend, Jasen and I have always said that we should have our own reality TV show. Granted, there would just be a lot of footage of us eating Chick-Fil-A (or Panda Express, or McDonald's, or Side Wok Cafe), taking ridiculous amounts of shots at Rain, talking shit about people at work, and quoting our friend, Shawn. [No, but seriously, we'd make a GREAT TV show, I promise. You'd totally watch too, don't even lie.]

We always agreed that he'd be the star of the show, and I would be his much smarter and talented assistant that's constantly pissed off because she's just a fucking assistant even though she's much smarter and talented. [Hi. It's Redundant Day - it's where we say everything twice, or more than once.]

Then we came up with an even better idea. You all have seen or heard of MTV's "A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila", right? If you haven't, catch up:

So instead, it's gonna be "A Shot of Cum with Jasen Jager". The J's are silent.

The premise is this - there will be 16 girls, but all of them go on the show thinking he's straight - and all of them are set out to win over his heart. However, on the first night, Jasen's got a big secret to tell the girls - "I've... never... told anyone this, but... I'm... gay. And you girls are here to compete to be my ultimate fag hag." And the girls will yell and cry and will be all, "But I've totally already began to fall in love with him even though I've only known him for 7 hours!"

But Jasen's got another secret to tell them! - "I... have another secret to tell you. There's actually someone else. Someone that's been there for me through the thick and thin, and someone that will be VERY difficult to replace - my former fag hag, Tammy Tuaca!" And I come in Sister Patterson (you know, the mom from I Love New York) style - reading all the bitches to the floor and making them cry. All of them will try to suck up to me, but they actually want to rip my hair out, and all they talk about is how much they hate me in their confessionals. And of course, there's gonna be one bitch that's gonna try to act all grand and stand up for herself, only to realize that I will tear her a new one and she will be eliminated that night no matter how much Jasen liked her. And in the final episode, one of the girls will hawk a loogie the size of small rodent in the other one's hair.

See? Good shit, right? We're gonna tweak it a little and then send it off to MTV or VH1. It's bound to get picked up. Wish us luck.

Don't mind Jasen's leopard dress.