Davezilla's worst dates ever. (Worst Date No. 2 was my favorite.) Funny, funny, man.

My mom and I just circled our entire block and then lifted some weights at the gym. It was actually pretty fun. Well, not fun because I hate exercising. It was a really nice night out, and my mom asked me if she wanted to go take a walk, I though, "Oh, what the hell. I need to get in shape anyway." So, we power walked for almost an hour, and about 20 minutes of weights. Now, I'm craving some chocolate chip cheesecake. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

On the way back up the stairs to our apartment, I saw a room where a girl (I just assumed it was a girl, though I could be wrong,) had pink christmas lights draped over her window. And that made me want to plug in my blue ones in. So I did. Now my room is bluearific.

In 6th period today (teacher not there), we were telling each other gross stories. And I thought it would be so very nice of me to share with the rest of the group:

Yuck Story #1
One of my friend's aunt is a gynecologist (you know how great of a story this is gonna be...) and she had this patient come in one day saying that she had this really bad smell coming from in between her legs for a few weeks, but she wasn't sure what it was. She wasn't on her period, nor was she pregnant. She was afraid that she might have contracted a STD or something. So the gynecologist had her checked out, ran some tests, all of which came back negative. She did not have an STD, she wasn't pregnant. Nothing.
Doctor: What do you use when you are on your period? Pads or tampons?
Her: Pads. I'm not really sure how to use a tampon, I've only used it once, and I didn't really know what I was doing.
The doctor then checked one last time and she discovered something you know... in there. She pulled it out. A tampon. This woman had a tampon in her for the past 6 weeks. That's what the smell was. What I want to know is: How did she not remember to take it out? How did the doctor not find it the first time she ran the tests? And. Just. Ew!
Ick Factor: 8

Yuck Story #2
A girl and this guy she was flirting with at a party got pretty wasted. They went back to her room and were getting their groove on. They had sex quite a number of times that night. The next morning, after the girl got sobered up, she discovered that she had been on her period, and had a tampon in when she was having sex. But because of the intercourse, the tampon was pushed all the way in, and the string was nowhere to be seen. She had to get tweezers to get it out.
Girl (to boy): Hey, come help me get this out will you?
Boy: Hell no. That's sick. I'm getting out of here.
Ick Factor: 5

Yuck Story #3
I'm not sure how valid this story is, but my friend claims she heard it from a reliable source. And with the crazy stuff people think of these days... it could happen. Anyway, here goes: There was this woman who went to the grocery store and bought a live lobster. She had some weird fetish involving stick a lobster up her most intimate of places. Okay, very weird. So she went home and got undressed I would assume, and proceeded to insert the lobster, tail first, into herself. And in order to make the lobster move to fulfill her sexual desires, she lit a match in front of the lobsters face, and was supposed to burn it a little. Instead of receiving the sexual gratification that she had anticipated, the lobster freaked out and basically took a shit inside of her. But supposedly, the lobster was a female, and not only was it female, it was also pregnant. So not only did it take dump inside the woman's vagina, it also released all its eggs. The woman now had lobster feces and eggs swimming around inside of her. Okay. So the story seems unlikely... but who would even want to make up something like this?
Ick Factor: 10

Yuck Story #4
Via Sivan, event she experienced when she was in 3rd grade. There was a boy who went to her elementary school who had switched to a different school after second grade. In third grade, he came back to visit his buddies. And Sivan remembers him as the boy who never stopped picking his nose. So that day, in horror, she sees him pick his nose and wipe it on his green shirt. She was incredibly grossed out and thought she was going to vomit.
Ick Factor: 3
Ick Factor to a 8 year old girl: 8
Yum Factor to a 8 year old boy: 9

Yuck Story #5
Boy told me this, who heard it from his friend. Story probably has been changed and most likely exaggerated for desired effect. His friend (who's in college, apparently) had a suitemate who had some bacterial infection or something, and smelled really bad. Like... down there bad. The kind of bad when you would walk into her room, you'd go, "*sniff* Whoa... Vagina." And... the room just reeked of nasty. Supposedly, the girl has lots of sex too. The guy must be *really* drunk to be able to not pass out from the extreme scent.
Ick Factor: 7

Yuck Story #6
Via AWG: Extra Crispy panties.
Ick Factor: 10

Now that I've shared such enlightening stories with the rest of you ... run along now and spread them to all your little buddies. They will come in handy for story time with the kids.