I just remembered that I was propositioned for sex last night. He asked me how much I made in a week, and he told me he'd double it if I went back to his hotel room.

What is it about me that just screams, "hooker"?





Nevermind, don't answer that.

Don't ever, under any circumstances, buy Orbit's Fabulous Fruitini gum.

It's neither Fabulous, nor Fruity.

In fact, it totally smells like throw-up... AKA last Saturday night.

Phrases I hoped never to hear come out of my boss's mouth, (but did anyway, in a span of one week):

"How can you service your customers in the fitting room?"

"Can a manager touch your stuff?"

"I'm coming!"

"It's so creamy!!!"

I need to start writing again.

"Hey everyone, come see how good I look!"

Man, I will fucking DOMINATE you in the Ugly Faces game.

Although... that's... probably not something I should be proud of. :(

Either way, this past weekend was all sorts of "intense". Saw old faces, played with new ones, threw up outside of Phuong's apartment door. All in all, it was an awesome weekend off. Thanks to those that made it happen.

Happy Valentine's Day.

It's National Pancake Day!

Free pancakes from 7am to 10pm at your local IHOP!

I don't even fucking like pancakes, but I'd touch your naughty bits for free shit.

YUM YUM! GIMME SOME [The pancakes. Not your bits]!

It's been a long time coming, but good things comes to those who wait...

I'm officially a manager at Juicy Couture now. [HAH! Suck it, Crew.]

So... Come to me for all your velour needs.

On another note, I'm really glad someone took the time to graph out popular rap songs [Molly, you would appreciate this]. I've always been a visual person, and I now understand these lyrics so much better.

Not unlike here:


If you know what song this is, we should be friends. Best friends.

For Valentine's Day this year, I'm not doing any fancy dinners (unless by "fancy dinner" you mean "fucking delicious awesome meal at Buffet Palace with my BFF, Phuong"), or expensive gifts ("Hi, I'm broke. I'll be your server tonight"). Instead, I updated my Radio.Blog for this special occasion.

Mike, this playlist is for you. Think of it like a High Fidelity mix-tape. But with shittier music. Love you!

Al Green - Let's Stay Together: Because I'm loving you whether times are good or bad, happy or sad.

Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing at All

Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want is You: Favorite lines:

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug.

Blink 182 - I Miss You

Chris Brown - With You: I'm sorry, I had to.

Common - The Light: Our song!

Counting Crows - Colorblind: Remember the love scene from Cruel Intentions where this song was played? Uhm. Yeah.

The Cure - Love Song

Des'ree - Kissing You: One of the best love songs ever made. Favorite lines:

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cried

Jack Johnson - Better Together

Jamie Foxx - DJ Play a Love Song: Best lines:

He can take you out to dinner and look like a playa
I'm a give it to you good up in the elevator
He be actin' all soft when he get in them draws
I'm a break you off and fuck you up against the wall
Yes, please?

Janet Jackson - Anytime, Anyplace: This song gives me the chills. Down there

The Pretenders - I'll Stand by You

Spice Girls - 2 Become 1: Oh, it's funny and you know it. [P.S. Bye, Posh!]

Weezer - O Girlfriend

Yazoo - Only You

Enjoy! Or don't.

I was surfing through iTunes tonight in search of some good new music, because apparently, out of the 3,902 songs on my iPod, I can't find ONE good song to listen to. So I browsed through the Top Songs to see what other people are paying 99 cents for these days, and you have no idea how happy it makes me that Haddaway's "What is Love?" is the 68th most downloaded song on iTunes...



Mainly because it makes me think of this...

[Click for the full effect.]

But my happiness was short lived when I found out that the abomination also known as "Nickelback" is up for a Grammy nomination this year.



WHYYYYYYYY?!?

I watched the Superbowl game with Karol tonight. It was a good game, and I'm glad that the Giants won... But the REAL team that I was rooting for, was Team Commercials.

My top 3 favorites of the night:

It's Justin. Go figure.


The best is when he pukes.


"Bud Light. Suck one."

I despise American-made cars because they are sucky pieces of shit, and I don't particularly care for SUV's because they're terrible for the environment.

That being said, I would toss your salad for one of these:

:::Drools:::

I got my nails done after work today. It went a little something like this:

Okay not really. But I did feel bad about going in 45 minutes before they closed, knowing full well that it takes a least an hour to get a refill. Oh God, I'm totally like those annoying girls that come in 5 minutes before we lock our doors and stay 30 minutes after closing to try stuff on, only to buy a pair of socks. I suck.

Anyway, I LOVE watching someone else do my nails. I think it's amazing how they can take my busted-ass hands that were 2 weeks overdue on a refill, and make them beautiful again - it's an art! So, I caught myself staring at the nail guy, when all of a sudden, I drooled on myself. I guess I was just so intrigued that I didn't notice my mouth was open. Or maybe I find Vietnamese Nail Technicians to be incredibly sexy. Or maybe I'm just fucking retarded.

Uhm. I don't know where I was going with this post, so I'm bringing this old picture back. For shits and giggles.


[In case you don't get it.]

After 4 years of incessant nagging, my high school girlfriends (and Mike, who was one of the girls) finally flew out to Austin to come visit me. And I think the amount of fun we had in a short few days should be considered illegal. Anyway, I could go into long stories of the festivities that went down, or I could give you...

My Weekend Re-Cap [Top 5 Edition]

Events
1. When I didn't think Mike and Emma would make it in on Thursday night because their flights got delayed. But everyone made it into Austin safe and in one piece.
2. When Mike somehow wandered into Phuong's roommate, Enkrii's, room in the middle of the night, STOLE HER BLANKET OFF OF HER, and passed out on her floor. Phuong and I woke up to Enkrii standing in the middle of Phuong's room saying, "Uhm. Mike's asleep on my floor. And he took my blanket." FYI, Mike and Enkrii don't know each other.
3. Seeing Emma and Lindsey get completely obliterated. An Austin trip wouldn't be complete if you didn't get completely fucked up and waking up the next morning regretting the night before.
4. Getting a room with an awesome view at the Radisson Hotel on Cesar Chavez and being able to walk to 4th.
5. Being reunited with another high school friend of mine, Nathan. He and I had classes together Junior and Senior year of HS, but we never kept in touch after we graduated. Emma did and called him to come out with us on Saturday night. He moved to Austin about 4 months ago and now he works at... where else, J.CREW. He's been a few stores down from me for 2 months and I never knew. Small world.

Food
1. Bratwurst from 6th Street after a night of severe drinking.
2. Hot wings and cheese fries from Pluckers.
3. Chips and queso from Trudy's.
4. Pad Thai from Thai Passion.
5. My cookie from Whole Foods.

Quotes
1. "How do stairs work? Do they move, or do I move?" -Emma, attempting to walk up the 3 flights of stairs to Phuong's apartment.
2. "The South will rise again!!!" -Emma, to some strangers in a bar on 6th Street.
3. "I just want a booty call." -Sue, after coming home drunk at 4 in the morning.
4. "I need a cup of water. But I don't have a bra." -An inebriated Emma, as if a cup of water and a bra go hand-in-hand.
5. "I'm gonna drink Heinekens and Jager Bombs all fuckin' night. Jager Bomb. Jager Bomb. Jager Bomb..." -Lindsey (whilst drunk in Cuba Libre, to herself) making fun of this guy.

Pictures
1.
All of my favorite girls together. [L to R: Phuong, Karol, Emma, Me, Molly, Lindsey]
2.
Because Mike's a motherfuckin' P-I-M-P.
3.
Seriously? The best picture of Lindsey, ever.
4.
Jumping on hotel beds is flippin' sweet.
5.
I absolutely love this candid picture of Molly and Nathan... And then, you have Lindsey and Emma making ridiculous faces as bookends.

[The rest of the pictures can be found: Here, here, and here.]

To Emma, Lindsey, Molly, and Mike - thank you for an absolutely PERFECT weekend. Words cannot describe how much I love you guys, and how happy I am to have y'all in my life. I can't believe that how much time has passed since we've all graduated, but I'm just glad we've managed to keep in touch after all these years. Thank you, and I hope y'all had as much fun as I did. :)

My Nashville bitches are in town for the weekend. Be back on Sunday.


That is, if I'm not dead.

Velvet Revolver will be playing at Stubb's next Thursday. As much as I miss Stone Temple Pilots, and loathe the musical atrocity known as Velvet Revolver, I'm really tempted to spend the outrageously overpriced $55 to make an attempt at fulfilling my livelong dream of fucking the shit out of Scott Weiland.

I don't care that he's battled with hard drugs and alcohol for a good portion of his life. I don't care that he's manic depressive and FUCKING BAT-SHIT CRAZY. I don't care that he's been in and out of jail over the span of 10 years. Hell, I don't even care that he had a "brief relationship" with Courtney Love, meaning that his penis was probably in her at some point (okay, maybe a little).

I've wanted to sleep with Scott Weiland before I even knew what sex was. He is the epitome of my ideal Tortured-Rock-Star-Bad-Boy-Won't-Call-You-the-Morning-After kind of man.

So. Think I've got a chance?

Sigh. I miss bad early-90s mainstream pop.

[Edit]

I added two new songs to my Radio.Blog over there to your right. ---->

Muse - Supermassive Black Hole: My current favorite work-out song. It pumps *clap* me up.

Kings of Leon - Fans: Heather (from work) played this on her iPod at work one day, and I think it was my attraction to the lead's voice that made me get their CD. They're extra awesome because they're based out of Nashville. I also love the lines,

Now take me down
Don't you let those tears quench the thirsty ground
Don't you be so scared that you can't make a sound
Make a sound for me

This cold front in Austin is wearing me out.

I know I always complain about the constant 94 degree weather, and the 107% humidity, but dare I say, I kind of miss it.

Okay, maybe not, but this rainy, cold thing has got to go.



P.S. I worked out for 2 hours tonight, and when I got home, I made sausages. Now I think I'm going to throw up. Just thought I'd like to share.

So I spoke a little too soon when I called my mom out for being such a goddamn FOB.

Does that really say "1 Comments"?? Man. Blogger and my mom would get along great.

"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad... or maybe my older brother John. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's John."

My Foo-dong bought me a bunch of yummy Asian snacks and foods as part of my Christmas gift, and one of the things she got me was Green Tea Mousse Pocky.

Believe you me, this is quite possibly the best thing I've put in my mouth in a long while. Unfortunately, the box only comes with three packs, and there's only 4 of these amazing sticks in each pack. BOO!

Anyway, on the pack, it states, "Lighten up your day with Pocky's super smooth aero-chocolate." I'm not quite sure what "aero-chocolate" is, but I'm pretty positive that it's Japan's way of saying, "Buy me. I'm fucking delicious."

Thanks, Phuong.

I got a haircut yesterday and now I totally look like a power lesbian.

I don't know how I feel about this. Maybe I should go on some lesbian cruise and explore my sexuality.

"I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, "Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?" And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's MY parade?" -Margaret Cho

This past year, my mom's Christmas gift to herself was learning how to shop via the World Wide Web. Now, I understand you don't know my mom well. But just try to imagine your typical "fobby" Asian woman, completely computer illiterate (I love it when she still double-clicks on hyper-links), doesn't understand a goddamn thing I say, fuck, someone who doesn't even use articles when she speaks, shop online. But believe when I say, my mom is a motherfucking fiend when it comes to online shopping now. She bought Terence, Suzy, Winnie, and Madeline all something from different internet sites for Christmas. Amazing.

Anyway, about a week ago, she ordered me the Sonicare toothbrush from Target.com (because she loves me and cares deeply for my oral hygiene). And even though Momzilla is totally boss at internet shopping, she still manages to write me something like this:

In case you can't read that, it says:

Dear Tammy, Have a blessed and healthy year 2008. May this products will shine your teeth. Mom.

Let me repeat that last part for you in cause you missed it. MAY THIS PRODUCTS WILL SHINE YOUR TEETH.

How does someone who has lived in this country, and spoken this language for the last 17+ years still manage to talk like that? I love it.

I go to a gym near my house that closes at closes at 11pm on Thursdays and Friday, and 8pm on Saturdays and Sundays. Which is fine and all... BUT IT'S FUCKING 24 HOUR FITNESS.

That's what you call "false advertising", folks... but I guess "24 Hour Fitness (But Only On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays)" would be too long to fit on the building.

I finally added some new songs to my Radio.Blog over there to the right. And now that I figured out how to take songs off my iPod and onto my PC, I might start updating this thing more. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

I will say though, the songs I have are pretty damn good. Check it:

Bloc Party feat. Peaches - Helicopter (Remix): I love English alternative rock bands. I especially love it when they have been remixed to where they sound like 80's electro. [Original. But it's nowhere as good.]

Erykah Badu - Danger: Can you say, "I've got the block on lock, the trunk stay locked. The gun on cocked, the block stay hot"?

Kelis - 80's Joint: Not your typical "Bossy" or "Milkshake" Kelis. Better.

Nouvelle Vague - In a Manner of Speaking... Love: This cover is so beautiful that it gives me chills. For a French group that only does covers... kudos. [Original. Again, not as good.]

N.E.R.D. - Lapdance: Because well, you can get this lapdance here for free.

Ingrid Michaelson - Die Alone: As pretentious and pompous Juicy Couture is, they actually crank some pretty good tunes. This being one of them. Catchy. But not like Avril Lavigne catchy. That's catchy and bad.

Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger: Yes, I know that Kanye's sample of this song is still all over the radios, but I used to jam out to this song back in high school. Plus, I don't think Kanye could do this.

Aaliyah - One in a Million (Ciara Remix): This is my favorite Aaliyah song of all time, and this remix is just plain hot.

Britney Spears - Get Naked (I Got a Plan): What?? I had to! I don't care how fucking crazy she is, she can still come out with some good shit that you'd love-to-hate.

Portishead - Roads: Best sex song. EVER. 'Nuff said.

Sea Wolf - You're a Wolf: This is another song from the Juicy soundtrack. I dig it.

The Knife - Heartbeats: Europeans come out with some of the best stuff. This Swedish-pop group also likes to get cute and wear masks in all their concerts. [Jose Gonzalez has a pretty good cover of it too.]

Nine Inch Nails - Just Like You Imagined: This was featured in the 300 trailer, so every time I hear it, I want to walk around yelling, "Madness?! THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAA!!"

M.I.A. - Come Around: Because M.I.A. is the baddest bitch out there (not to mention, incredibly hot and talented as well). And of course, how can you go wrong with Timbaland producing your song?

Young Love - Discotech: Mainly because I just love the line, "You can fake this only if you take this".

Ida Corr feat. Fedde Le Grande: How can I go to a gay club almost every weekend and not put some queeny-ass dance song on here? Anthony made me watch the video after seeing a t-shirt I had of a girl in sunglasses with an afro. Now, it's my official going-to-a-gay-bar anthem.

There you go. Lettme know what you think.

So, some wack-job German company has come out with the latest fragrance: COOTER JUICE [NSFW].

Ew.

EWWW.

Apparently this shit is so potent that you're only supposed to put a drop of it on the back of your hand, and you'll spend the rest of the day wishing you hadn't.

Can someone please enlighten me as to why you would want your hand to smell like poontang all day long? Every time I think about it, I throw up in my mouth a little.

I will give them props for a great domain name, though.

Things that are really satisfying at work, but shouldn't be:

Collecting giant dust bunnies with our handy-dandy Swiffer.

Wiping down the accessory table with glass cleaner when it gets especially dirty.

When customers spray our doggy "pawfum" on themselves, even though the packaging specifically says "Doggie Crittoure Pawfum" and it's on a table that only has dog stuff on it. Dumbasses.

When my store manager doesn't know something, and I do.

Drawing mustaches and uni-brows on all the "historical figures" on the $20's, $50's, and $100's with the counterfeit pen.

Turning down customers' returns because it's an intimate, been over 60 days, the tags unattached, no original tender, even though it states clearly on the receipt what the return policies are. Dumbasses.

Seeing cool people. Hi, Ana! :)

When people pull the front door to get out instead of push.

When I hear Nicole say something along the lines of, "Danielle, you dumb bitch."

When my store manager acts really gay.

When customers try to open the accessory table drawers to help themselves (or to steal) but guess what, they're locked, suckers!!!

When Ashley (my assistant manager) makes our stock lead cry. Haha.

When customers try to open the front door before we're open or after we're close, but guess what, they're locked, suckers!!! Try to follow mall hours next time.

When I hear Weezer and Rolling Stones on our playlist.

I watched Juno tonight with my Foo-Dong, and had I watched this a week ago, it would have knocked 30 Days of Night (sorry, Vamps) off my Top Seven Movies of 2007, but now it'll have to go in 2008's. This movie was all sorts of awkward but fucking hilarious (totally my sense of humor - "You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events." I mean, c'mon! That's genius!), and yet there was a touch of charm and vulnerability. The fantastic writing was matched only by the impeccable performances by Ellen Page (whom I totally want to date now) and Michael Cera. Now why, can't all teen movies be this good?

Oh, right, cause you put Paris Hilton in them.

Oh well, can't win them all, I guess.

[But seriously, watch Juno. You'll love it.]

And the Best Answer to a Mathematical Problem Award goes to:



If only I had thought to put that when I took my AP Calculus exam in high school...

Tammy's Top 7 List for 2007
[2003. 2004. 2005. 2006]

Albums

Britney Spears - Blackout [Because according to Mike, I "have the worst taste in music, ever". But in my defense, it's a freaking good CD considering Miss Britney is FUCKING CRAZY. Even Amazon thinks so!]

Radiohead - In Rainbows [Uhm. Cause it's fuckin' Radiohead.]

Kanye West - Graduation [Possible titles for Kanye's next album found: here.]

Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero

Lily Allen - Alright, Still

M.I.A. - Kala [They played this shit at Juicy, and I loved it. M.I.A. is the hottest thing to ever come out of Sri Lanka.]

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Is Is [Pros: The best 5-song album, ever. Cons: There were only 5 songs.]


Overplayed Radio Songs

Soulja Boy - Crank Dat [And who doesn't know the dance to go with it??]

Britney Spears - Gimme More

Rihanna - Umbrella

Nelly Furtado - Promiscous

Kanye West - Stronger

Akon feat. Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Fuck You

Flo-Rida feat. T-Pain - Low

Movies

Pan's Labyrinth [Definitely my favorite movie of 2007. Incredible]

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street [Tim Burton + Johnny Depp + Musical? WIN!]

Ratatouille

Grindhouse [So I know I'm kinda cheating cause it's actually 2 movies... but sue me.]

300 [Uhm, hello ripped men in loincloths.]

Superbad

30 Days of Night [As far as scary movies go, this was probably the best one of the year.]

Books

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Wow, I only read 2 books in this entire past year?? No wonder I'm dum. [Note to self: MUST READ MORE FOR 2008]

Events

Spring break in South Padre with my favorites

Going shot-for-shot with Phuong on St. Patty's, and getting WASTED at home while waiting for the cab that never came.

4th of July week - where I went out and got wrecked for an entire week straight.

Every freaking Thursday and Saturday night at Rain with my gays.

Quitting J. Crew and starting at Juicy.

$1.50 pint nights at our beloved Crown and Anchor.

Spending a week in Santa Cruz with my Mikeys.

Gifts

My hot tattoo from the Best Friend.

The badass new watch I got from my moms.

The many, many, many visits to Austin from my Mikeys.

My "damages" from J. Crew before I left. Hah.

My Blackberry Pearl from Momzilla.

The hook-up at my favorite bar and the many drinks I got for free.

My awesome Coach bangles from Sisssss.

Pictures

I miss my kitty. A lot.

My favorites at Rain|Jimmies.

Sunburned Dougie (GittOOUUTT!)|Typical Zetas

Foo-Dong and I got engaged|What our last days at J.Crew were like


Quotes

"Honeeeyyy... that is ONE to the T... SISSSSS." -Shawn

"Oh my God, it's really slippery right there!" -Me (after pretend-slipping over and over again on 6th)

"Hey look, your family is here." - What everyone at work says to me when someone Asian comes into the store.

"Let me pee in your butt." - Anthony

"You may be asking yourself, 'Who's that zombie in the fabulous gown?' Hey! It's me! Donatella Vesace!" - Maya Rudolph on SNL

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." - Lauren Upton (Miss South Carolina Teen USA), when asked why one-fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a map.

"It's ready for a retarded president, why wouldn't it be ready for an African American president?" - Chris Rock, upon being asked whether this country is ready for an African American president

And new for 2007:

Resolutions

Get my weight down to 130, even if it means selling my body for a 40 of coke every other night [Joke, guys. Joke.] and drinking more water while doing so.

Manage my own store.

Mend broken relationships. One, in particular.

Read at least 6 books (that don't tell me "101 Ways to Become a Better Lover") before I turn into a dumbass.

Pay off all my debts.

Start blogging on a more consistent basis.

See the Spice Girls in concert.