Oh-my-God-I-am-so-bored. I want to bang my head against the wall just to keep me busy. So. You know what I've realized today? That my love for art is slowly diminishing. I have no idea why I started thinking about this. But I did. Maybe it was due to my poorly done painting in art that's supposedly "finished". You see, I (used to?) absolutely adore art. I would skip lunch to do art. (C'mon! It's lunch!) Well... that's how it was last year, that is. This year, I have no desire, much less motivation to pick up a paintbrush and paint what would usually be an easy assignment. Maybe it's the teacher. She's a nice woman... just incredibly lazy. Guess it rubs off on me. So I don't think I've painted one decent thing all year long in school. So anyway. I was looking at my painting of what is supposedly a picture of Panama City Beach, and I thought, I could do so much better than this. (That wasn't a brag. My painting is terrible... anyone could do much better.) But the thing was... I didn't care. Like, last year, I probably would have gessoed over it and painted a completely different picture, but this time, I really coudn't give a damn. I half-assed my way through the painting, longing for it to be finished soon so I can just sit there in class and stare at walls. Wait. What was the point of this blog again? Oh yeah. So. Which brings me to another point. Art is the only thing that I've ever been okay at. And that's all I've ever wanted to do in college. But now. I'm not sure if that's what I want to do. Even if I did choose to go down that path... might as well take a cardboard box and live on the street... because that's what I'll be doing. And no, I don't want to do graphic art, or architecture, or design, or any of that jazz. I want to do plain ole simple paintings. So. If I can't do art. Then I don't know how to do anything else... I don't know if I even want to do anything else, but even if I did, it's not like I'll know how to do it anyway. I'm stupid. One of my friends told me that I should do whatever I want to do. I told him I wanted to stay home, eat ice cream, sleep, and get morbidly fat. Yes. That is what I want to do. *Sigh* I complain far too much for someone whos only been alive for 16 years. And, what is really messing me up right now is that I'm sitting here admitting that I basically, have no life, having these stupid insecure problems, and of course, talking to myself.