So, a bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and..... a packet of peanuts". The barman says, "Why the big pause?"

Thank you, I'll be here all night.

Some things...

• Sleeping about 5 hours TOTAL this past weekend is probably not the best way to start off a new week. Nor is it good for my body. But. No regrets.

• According to Mike, at the rate I'm going with my partying, my liver is going to fall out of my butt soon. And I believe him.

• The best thing that Jessica Simpson gave me besides telling me that buffalo wings are made from buffalo, is my extensions. I'd put up pictures but I'm sure that all of you have either Facebook or MySpace.

• So when I go to Rain every Thursday and Saturday, I wonder if the people there think I'm actually a tranny. I mean, I've got the big heels, the fake lashes, the fake hair, the fake boobs (ha, just kidding). It probably doesn't help that I tell them I get really good work done in Thailand.
  

• Just FYI, if you walk by me or Jasen and hear "Her", it's not a good thing.

And... I'm spent.

This is quite possibly the funniest video I've seen in a long time:

Justin Timberlake, I'd take your dick-in-a-box ANY day. Call me.

[On a side note, they won an Emmy for this shit. Fuckin' awesome.]

After a month of unemployment... I've been itching to go back to work. It's not really so much the "Man, I love being at work, on my feet, and helping people all day long!", as much as the whole "Fuck, I'm broke as a joke, and I can't even afford to eat at Mickey D's anymore." So... after a couple weeks of looking, applying, interviewing, and then interviewing some more... I've landed a new job for myself:

Today was my first day actually, and... so far so good. The few people I've worked with are unbelievably nice and helpful, the customers aren't that needy (yet), and it wasn't nearly as slow as I thought it was going to be. So. No complaints here. Besides, after dealing with 5 months of drama and incessant bullshit over at the Crew, working at Juicy is a nice break, and a much needed breath of fresh air.

But who knows, it's only been my first day. Ask me again in a couple of months. However, I'm choosing to stay optimistic.

And on the plus side, I can finally get that $0.99 double cheeseburger I've been eyeing for the last week.

Hi guys, I don't really know how to say this... But... I have a confession to make. This is way harder than I thought it was gonna be... But, the truth is going to have to come out sooner or later. So. Here goes:

I love Britney Spears.

I loved her when she first came out in her little innocent school girl uniform, I love the horrible lip synced concerts, I love her despite her horrible choices in men after Justin, hell, I even love her crazy, head shaved, fat phase, rehab, umbrella-hitting, questionable parenting, making out with strangers in hot tubs, and the overall downward-spiral that she's currently in. I don't even care if she makes a comeback anymore - I will love her nonetheless.

I know. It's terrible. I truly hate myself for even admitting this.

I need a Britney-intervention.

But only after you hear her new single: [Here]. It's hottt. It's Britney... bitch.

Haha. God, someone help me.

[Edit: Yes, I've seen her VMA performance. Yes, she was one big mess. But fuck, it's BRITNEY SPEARS. She can do whatever the fuck she wants - including showing up 3 hours late to her rehearsal with a margarita in her hand, doing a terrible job at lip syncing, stumbling while she tries to dance, and just looking horribly bored throughout her entire performance. I think it's fabulous.]

Honey, who saw Pumpkin and Leilene from the Flavor of Love at the bar last night?

I wanted to take a picture of them, but I was scared that Pumpkin might hawk a loogie the size of my fist into my hair. Watch out everybody, you might get spit on!

[In case you don't remember:]