Jason usually wakes up at least an hour before I have to every weekday morning, and he deems it necessary to fuck with me before he has to leave for work. Everyday.

And I kind of love it.

Sometimes he'll just get back into bed RIGHT after he's out of the shower so he's still wet. Other times, he'll lay on top of me so I can't breathe. But this morning, he took my panda pillow pet and gave me kisses with it. How gay! But how cute!

I mean, who wouldn't want to be smothered with pillow pet panda kisses? The only that would make it better is I was smothered with REAL BABY PANDAS.

I mentioned a few days ago that I lost 20 pounds last summer - how, you might ask?

DIET AND EXERCISE.

Two things that I hate. There is no magical "Lose 10 Pounds" pill or some amazing 48 hour shred. It takes time and hard work and dedication. I'm surprised that I even lasted as long as I did last time (but you know, can't be the fat cousin in Taiwan!!). Going on a diet is truly a lifestyle change - which is difficult for someone whose lifestyle consists of fast food almost every other day, vegging out in front of the TV, NO exercise, and midnight snacks meals. Needless to say, I gained back those 20 pounds and then some after I got back from Taiwan because I stopped everything I was doing. Now I don't look cute in any of my clothes, and even my "fat" jeans are feeling a little tight. Boo hoo.

Well I started my diet again this week, which consists of:

* Cutting my calorie intake to under 1000 net
* Cutting my carb intake to under 30g
* Committing to at least 3 days a week at the gym for a minimum of 45 minutes each day
* Maximum 2 "cheat" meals per week

I also started P90X yesterday and I about died 10 minutes in. I definitely want to continue with it since it focuses on some strength training, and I don't want to pay for a personal trainer.

It sucks. Like, today for lunch, I had 2 turkey patties that I had broiled in the oven. They were gross (might have been better if I just grilled them), and their only saving grace was the fact that I put some tomato basil goat cheese on top.

But if I can keep this up, I'll be looking better by... Christmas. Where I'll be under 4 layers of clothing.

*thinkskinnythinkskinnythinkskinny*

My brother in law, Eric, comes back home today. He was stationed in San Diego for the last few years with the US Navy. Back in January, we found out that he fucked up ROYALLY and landed himself in jail. I won't go into details, but let's just say for the last 7 months, his parents spent a lot of money and time trying to get him home, and luckily, he gets to finish out his probation back here in Nashville.

And he's taking it all for granted.

I feel like he has not shown a shred of remorse or appreciation for everything his parents are doing for him. They made sure that he has a car and a job lined up for him when he gets back... and he's already thinking about vacation days. Are you kidding me???

I've seen what he put his parents and his family through, so it's hard for me to be sympathetic towards him. I just hope he grows the fuck up and start respecting the people who have done nothing but help him through all of this. And I hope that his parents have the courage to do what is necessary if he messes up again.

Devon had his 8th birthday party this past Saturday at Dave and Busters. I think he had a great time even though it was a pain in the ass to keep track of him and his 12 friends in the giant arcade area. Most of the parents stayed for the party, but some of them dropped their kid(s) off. Who does that? Are you seriously going to drop your 8 year old off at Dave and Busters by themselves? Note to self: If I ever have kids, his/her party will consist of 5 or less kids and will be held in the comfort of my own house.

Devon won 1000 tickets on one of those light up games because he's got the reflexes of a ninja. Now if only he could apply these skills to baseball...

I didn't take any pictures because I'm a horrible step-parent.

Speaking of being a horrible parent. 3 out of our 7 fish died this past week. RIP Goldie, Tiger Barb #1, and Tiger Barb #2. I'm going back to the aquatic center this afternoon with a sample of our tank water to see what I'm doing wrong. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't go home to see the rest of them floating at the top and/or stuck to the filter.

Fun fact: tiger barbs lose their black stripes when they die.

On Saturday evening, Jason invited his parents and some of his friends over for their fantasy football draft. This is the first time Jason has ever done fantasy football so I'm excited to see how he does. I'm rooting for him, of course, but I'm also hoping that my friend, Stephanie will win too. She was at a wedding so she had to leave it on auto-draft, so it'd be pretty awesome if she did well with her computer picks. The stakes are high this year - an awesome trophy with your name on it, and $150 for 1st place, and $50 for 2nd (I think that's right).

Sunday was the laziest Sunday ever (which are the best kind, in my opinion). I slept in, had lunch, came home, took a nap, crocheted, played Plants vs. Zombies (best $1.99 I ever spent on the iPhone), watched Jason play Dead Island, and we ended the night watching Fringe. How could I have been so unproductive and yet feel so fulfilled?

I somehow got added to a guy who works for General Dynamics Electric Boat's listserve about a year ago. You'd think that I would get some pretty juicy emails about the inside workings of GDEB (they build submarines for the US Navy! How cool!). But no. Instead, I get a terrible fucking joke every Friday.

For example:

The past, future, and present walk into a bar... and it was tense. 

What the the turkey say when it got on the internet?
Google, google, google

What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on its face, and the other has his face on a bill. 

What did Han Solo say to Chewbacca when he crashed the Millennium Falcon?
Oops, a Wookie mistake!


Seriously, does this guy get his jokes from a popsicle stick? And who are all of these other people who work with him that allow these shitty jokes to continue EVERY WEEK?

I actually *really* liked the new Batman movie. I'm a sucker for a good movie villain, and Bane was a damn good villain, except he totally sounded like Sean Connery with a Darth Vader mask on.

That being said, this Cracked article is pretty damn funny. My favorite part:

MICHAEL CAINE

But who's goin' to be Batman now, Gordon-Levitt? He wears a bicycle helmet in his next movie.

[Update: Must watch]

I am seriously the fattest I have ever been. Last summer, I lost 20 pounds before I went back to Taiwan, and I gained back like... 1000000 since then. It's a total bummer because I love to eat. Especially bad foods. I *LOVE* McDonalds - I think I could eat their Chicken McNuggets and fries with a large Coke (also known as a #10) for every meal. Like, how gross is that?

I need motivation again. You'd think that not looking cute in ANY of my clothes would be motivation enough, but it's just so hard to break bad habits.

I actually went to the gym this morning, and then came home and ate half an entire thin crust pizza, and I'm finishing the rest off as we speak. I NEED HELP.

You know you're getting old when you think this is the best part of the county fair.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

TWO posts in one day? I'm starting off strong, y'all.

So this just happened:

A customer comes in wanting to get her daughter's backpack embroidered with her initials. Then proceeds to argue with me about what initial goes in the middle.

Look lady, I don't care how you want it to look, but I'm telling you, traditional monogram goes:

First Last Middle

She then spends 15 minutes trying to pull up her friend's Facebook page because her friend had HER daughter's backpack monogrammed too, and wanted to see how SHE did it. 

Guess how her friend has her's. 

Then she can't decide on what font to use, so she has to get her mom to come in here to help her pick. And while I'm trying to write down her information, she takes a phone call that last for 10 minutes. 

I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. 

As she's leaving the store, she informs me that she will be back on Wednesday with her mom to do some more shopping. I can't wait!

Oh Blogger... Why can't I quit you??

Maybe it's because I've been with you for 11 YEARS? That's longer than like, all my relationships. Combined. 

Ever since they blocked the internet at work, I've been trying to find things to do to keep myself occupied during our slow hours. Which, let's be honest, is most hours. So let's see how long of a streak I can keep this "updating" thing going until I disappear for 2 years again. 

And let's just pretend these last two years didn't happen. 

Expect for:

* I married my best friend. No, not Phuong (I wish). But my honey and my Superman. 

* I became a step mom. Seriously. I could go into that for days, but let's leave it at "I'm happy to be a part-time parent" for now.

* I got a new job. Which I HATED. And then I got another one. Which I love. Except for the days that I see less than 10 people and make less than $100. But I get to make my own schedule, and my quality of life has improved tremendously.

Annnnd.... that's about all that's happened in the last two years. No, really. This is my life now. No more crazy partying filled with excessive drinking and reckless endangerment. But I'm loving every moment and couldn't be happier. It's like I've become domesticated or something. ;)