I made fried dumplings for lunch today. I also made the mistake of opening the patio door to let some fresh air in.

There are now 4 giant flies who are enjoying the luxury of my apartment. I was in the bathroom just about 10 minutes ago getting ready to go out when I spotted a huge mother of a mosquito. After I screamed like a little girl, I proceeded to slowly step away from it and grabbed a magazine and thought, "you're *so* dead." However, I hesitated before I laid the smack down on the little bitch. One of four things could happen:

1. I completely miss the mosquito because I'm that dumb. It flies away and attacks me at night and I wake up with 100 bug bites in the morning and I end up cursing God.
2. I hit it. But it smears all over my wall, and because I'm too much of a pansy to clean it up, I will have to wait until my mom gets home to clean it. I will end up having to look at bug guts every day for another week and a half.
3. I hit it. It stays on the magazine. I gawk at it in complete disgust and then throw the entire magazine into the trash can.
4. I hit it. It does not stay on the wall or the magazine. Instead it falls down into my makeup basket. I will then have the pleasure of looking for the corpse amongst my makeup in hopes that I will find it soon, and not a week from today when I open up my lipgloss and find it in there.

I decided to take my chances and I hit it as hard as I could. Luckily, #3 happened. I ruined my latest Entertainment Weekly, but it was for a good cause. Now. I'll just have to ruin another 4 magazines to get the remaining flies. Hurray!

Eric Types: Your blog is so weird that I've given up on trying to understand it.