I really hate maxi-pad and tampon commercials. And that's saying a lot because I usually love commercials. But not these. I have deemed them completely unnecessary, and they kind of make me uncomfortable. For example:

[Commercial 1]
So a guy and a girl on are on a small canoe in a lake. And the guys' all "Aww such a beautiful day... the weather, the boat..." And the girl points down to a hole in the boat with water coming out and says, "The leak". And the guy starts panicking and is like, "Oh! The leak!!!" and tries to find something to stop it. And the woman, being the hero of the day, PULLS OUT A TAMPON AND STICKS IT INTO THE HOLE. EW! Are you seriously comparing a woman's monthly menstrual fluid to an entire lake? If something like that really happened, the happy couple would have drown, or the guy would be like, "Aw hell no," and ends the date right there from the mere sight of a tampon.

[Commercial 2]
A girl runs out of Tampax. So she goes to ask her roommate, only to find her slut of a roommate sucking face with some dude whose name she does not know. So instead of waiting for a few minutes, interrupting and asking for one, or I don't know, maybe run to the convenience store to buy some of her own, she decided to go into her roommate's room anyway - mission impossible style. She pulls these really dumbass rolls and shit, and then leaves on a fucking skate board. God. Way to steal from your roommate. The one. The only. The GET YOUR OWN DAMN TAMPONS, BITCH.

[Commercial 3]
So the creative geniuses behind this one decided to coat one lawn chair with the same material that they use in Always (I think) pads, and another one with a generic brand. Then it rains. So when it's sunny again, one girl goes to lay down on the Always-covered chair and is all happy because the chair is so absorbent and dry! However, another girl goes to lay on the generic brand pad-covered chair and is shocked because it's still wet! Oh no! Okay, so imagine how much worse this would have been if had these chairs not been rained on, but rather... BLED ON. You know, the reason why pads are used, maybe? I'll just leave it at and let you do the imagining.

[Commerical 4]
A woman comes up to random women in the pad/tampon isle in a grocery store and the first thing she says to these poor unsuspecting victims is, "Does your ultra-thin ever feel wet or sticky?" Uhm. No, bitch. Please leave before I call security. But that's not even the worst part. She proceeds to show these women just how absorbent the pads are by pouring blue liquid in them. And then she uses the pads to pat herself while saying, "See? Dry!" Ew. Stop. Please tell me you don't test that with the pads you really use at home.

These commercials do not compell me to buy their products whatsoever. In fact, it makes WANT to buy generic brands solely because they don't have some shitty advertisment out. Maybe they should try some realism in their commericals next time. Like, what to do when you find out you bled onto your sheets the next morning.

My ideal maxi-pad commerical:

Woman: This pad is great!
[Cut to a picture of the product.]
[End]

In fact, pad/tampon commericals need not exist. We don't have anymore cigarette ads (the Truth ones don't count), so why not get rid of these as well? Their only purpose is to make me feel a little grossed out and uncomfortable. Kind of like the pictures I have up of Tampax and Stayfree.

That's all folks. My job is done here.