I love Joy, because she writes amazing things like this:

Heres what everyone's been waiting for -- another sex post.

Well after talking to a few of my girlfriends we realize that a lot of guys are ... well what's a nice way to put this....they're fuck-ups. They're FUCKUPS because they can't do something as simple as sex RIGHT. I mean we provide you the vag you provide us with the orgasm...its really that simple.

And if you're one of those bastard guys that are like "oh blah blah whatever as long as i get mine i dont care its her fault if she doesnt get hers". WELL you know what kind of guys say that? Not only SELFISH ones but ones that just fucking suck in the sack because that is obviously your only valid defense on why you cant get a girl off.

So here are some tips for Guys who actually do care about us getting ours, and not having to fake it all the time because frankly we're sick of it.

1. We're not a blow-up doll. Meaning dont treat us like one. meaning dont just fucking kiss our neck once and then ram into us. its called fore-play look it up would ya?

2. If you're going to make it rough sex, do it right. Meaning, dont spank us out of nowhere, make sure we're prepared for it and also we're not one of your boys, so dont fucking slap us like one, a firm simple tap will do just fine.

3. Take your time. Jesus christ if you have some where to be then dont have sex. Sex is like wine, it has to be fucking savored. Explore our body inch by inch, don't go for the typical places like boobs and boobs and boobs. Theres more to our body then our boobs. Try our neck, our stomach, our inner thighs....just remember if you pleasure us...we'll be more than happy to pleasure you back.

4. Our vag is not a piece of meat nor is it a toy. Think of it this way how would you like it if we jabbed at your dick or grabbed it violently? That shit would suck right? So what makes you think we like it when you guys ram your fingers up there or do whatever the fuck yall do with it. That shit sucks, please treat it like what it is, a womans fucking private part. its the golden rule of sex damn it, do unto others as you would like them to do unto your private parts.

5. There is a such thing called oversensation, where its so much that it just doesnt feel good, it gets to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. So when we're trembling out of control dont feel like a bad ass, switch it up a little. How do you guys like your BJs? A little bit of variety right? Different speeds different tricks.....etc.

6. Dont make us call your member names...Dont ask us what your name is...Dont ask us "who's your daddy" ... it ruins everything...so please..just dont do it. Its lame.

7. Don't make us get on top all the time, it's really tiring. Please be fair if we've been ontop for 10 minutes be a gentleman and switch us off.

8. When you guys start getting into it, you know exactly what im talking about too. When you lose sight of everything and all you're concerned about is getting off and you forget we're there and you just start POUNDING away almost there almost there, hey jack ass ever realize that sometimes that shit fucking hurts? RAM RAM RAM we're not just a fucking hole for you to ram your shit into so you can get off. If we rammed the shit out of you you wouldnt walk straight for a week. So when you're about to go it may be a lot to ask but le the girl know you're still there with her, ask her if its okay or give her a heads up "im going to go" and if she says no not yet then you beter fucking control that shit but if she says okay then do your thing.

9. Talking is not allowed. Dont ask my how my day went, Dont ask me If i like that, dont ask me does that feel good. It is HARD ENOUGH AS IT IS FOR US TO GET OFF as i directly quote a fellow girlfriend "STFU BITCH IM TRYING TO GET OFF HERE". It's true..dont do it, it ruins our concentration. We have to put 100% of our energy into concentrating on the sensation of our vag to make us peak, and we cant do it with you running your mouth off. If it feels good youll know cuz we'll probably moan loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.

10. Dont fucking ask us to finish you off, dont fucking ask us to give you head. I swear to god that shit is just foul. RECIEVING HEAD IS A GOD DAMNED PRIVELAGE. ITS NOT LIKE EATING VAG OKAY?! It is damn hard work controlled breathing, controlled speed, controlled variation of tongue movements, controlled amount of sucking pressure,CONTROLLING OUR GAG REFLEXES. YOU TRY TO FUCKING DEEP THROAT A CUCUMBER FOR 5 MINUTES AND TELL ME HOW IT IS KAY? All yall do is lick there is no up and down there are no neck cramps, or your hair getting into your mouth or having to be right next to some dirty ass testicles. So you dont make the fucking calls we do. if a girl does not offer to finish you off or give you pleasure dont fucking ask for it. It makes you look like a damn fool.

11. No. you can not cum all over our face. No we will never change our minds. For you to even FATHOM that thought just makes you a douche bag all together. Here next time you ask a girl if you can bust a load on her face, take some of your shit and put it on your face and tell me how you like it and then you can decide if you still want to or not.

So there it is, just a few tips to make your fellow girl happy guys. Make us stop faking, we're tired of it. We dont enjoy being constantly frustrated, nor do we enjoy being so damn unsatisfied. Everytime we dont get off its like you guys getting damn blue balls. We get mad and not only do we get mad we tell all our girlfriends how fucking bad you suck in the sack which leads you to being the laughin stock of all females as well as a sudden decrease of females wanting to sleep with you. So take that as motivation for you to improve your game, because trust me guys, when you're good the whole entire god damned female population will know. Because finding a GUY who is actually good in bed and caters to a girls needs is one in a million.

So there you are guys...happy fucking!

Oh, it's funny cause it's true.