On my last day of work (which is this coming Friday!), I would just love to be a complete and utter bitch to any customer who even LOOKS at me wrong. In fact, I'd like to take from the fabulous Cheri Oteri and tell any clientèle to SIMMA DOWN NAH.

[Scene]

Customer: Ma'am, I need help and no one has assisted me since I've walked in.
Me: Okay everyone SIMMA DOWN NAH. What is the problem nah?
Customer: Uhmmmm... there is no size six anywhere in this stack, why are there no sixes?
Me: Alright, whatchu NEED is a size six...TEEN, so SIMMA DOWN NAH.
Customer: Excuse me?
Me: I said... SIMMA DOWN NAH.
Customer: Uhh, I think you shou...
Me: And I think you betta SIMMA DOWN NAH!
Customer: WHAT?! I...
Me: What part of "simma down nah" do ya not understan'? The "simma", the "down", or the "nah"?!
Customer: I didn't even...
Me: "Simma" plus "Down" plus "Nah" equals... SIMMA DOWN NAH, so SIMMA DOWN NAH.
Customer: Stop telling me to simmer down now!
Me: Ma'am, what happens when you cook greens on low heat?
Customer: ...You... simmer... them?
Me: Opposite of up?
Customer: Uh, down?
Me: Not later but...?
Customer: Now?
Me: SIMMA DOWN NAH! SIMMA DOWN NAH!
Customer: I really don't need this kind of treatment!
Me: What you NEED is a triple by-pass, so SIMMA DOWN NAH.
Customer: The hell? What is the number to your corporate office? I would like to contact them.
Me: I do understand your concern, ma'am. And on behalf of J. Crew, I'd like to invite you to... SIMMA DOWN NAH.

[End scene]

Man, that'd be the best last day, EVER.